— Ecclesiastes 12:5
Grasshoppers hereabouts have not become burdens. But my creative desire has temporarily failed and there is mourning in the streets…or at least along this portion of the road where I live. Yesterday afternoon our neighbor Bob was found dead in his home. He was, I'm told, only 49 years old, and had appeared to be in good health.
Everyone is shocked, our hearts are heavy and aching. It was so sudden and unexpected it still seems unreal, and is hard to accept. Bob was good guy and a fine neighbor. A bachelor who liked to ride his motorcycle on the weekends, he was a smart and technically savvy guru with the local cable company. Quiet, friendly, always willing to help.
When we arrived here a few years ago, Bob—whose house was directly across the street, and thus our closest neighbor—was one of the first to introduce himself. In fact, as we soon came to realize, perhaps the greatest blessing of our move here to this riverbank cottage were the wonderful neighbors who so genuinely and warmly accepted us into their fold. Bob, Mike and his wife (their's is the next house up from Bob's), and Everett (whose property adjoins mine, his house being across from Mike's) are the sort of neighbors you hope and pray for when moving into a new place; real treasures.
We all now mourn. I need to write a column and get it off, but can't manage to concentrate on work. As poet Edmund Spenser said: "…when the hart is ill assayde, How can Bagpipe, or ioynts be well apayd?"
We all now mourn. I need to write a column and get it off, but can't manage to concentrate on work. As poet Edmund Spenser said: "…when the hart is ill assayde, How can Bagpipe, or ioynts be well apayd?"
I'm simply too sad and upset, incapable for the time being of dredging up meaningful words and stringing them into competent sentences. Just as I'm obviously unable to say things clearly in this post; I know I'm not conveying what I feel, the sense of sorrow and loss, or even making an attempt to come to grips with the unfathomable mystery of such an event. When death enters our midst, I guess we're always left temporarily broken and stunned. I am, anyway.
Bob is already deeply and truly missed. By all of us. It was a privilege and pleasure to have him for my neighbor. And he will not be forgotten.
May his soul rest in peace.
Bob is already deeply and truly missed. By all of us. It was a privilege and pleasure to have him for my neighbor. And he will not be forgotten.
May his soul rest in peace.
20 comments:
Your sorrow is evident in your post. Words seem insufficient when a loss like this is so sudden, unexpected. You honored your friend with this remembrance.
My granddaughter lost a former boyfriend this past weekend in a 4-wheeler accident. At 14 she is not well prepared to deal with such grief, even though her uncle (one of my 5 sons) died two years ago. But are we ever prepared, are we ever ready to lose someone we love?
Remember your friend. Speak his name often, tell your stories about him and laugh at the funny ones. That is truly the one way to keep him alive in your heart.
I thank you for sharing this brief view of him and your neighborhood. Such people, and places, are what make our lives have meaning.
As you say, it's difficult to find the right words and to be one's normal self (if one ever has a normal self) at times like this — the gap between brushing up against 'the unfathomable mystery' and trying to pin it down somehow down sentence by sentence seems immense. But I'm glad you attempted it. (For a start, it helps you begin to come to terms with things, to mend the brokenness, in some small way.)
Granny Sue…
Thank you so much. Your words mean a lot, and say so well what you obviously understand. Death sometimes comes unexpectedly—and we're not often prepared to cope with the sudden void we find in its wake, especially when it was a younger person. I know losing your son must have been especially difficult, and can't imagine the pain and loss you felt and had to face and deal with afterwards. Life goes on afterwards, of course—as it must. But it is almost impossible sometimes, and can never be quite the same. So I thank you even more for your words knowing this. You are very kind. Friends and neighbors—fellow bloggers and those who write such comments as yours directly from their hearts—are indeed what make life rich and worthwhile.
My other neighbors who've lived here for years knew Bob longer and better, and I know they're hurting deeply. But I liked Bob, and I will sure miss him. And I hope the post at least gets that across.
Again, thank you for your quick and lovely comments.
Solitary…
My dear friend—thank you so very much for your response. It is much appreciated. This post is, as you say, my way of coming to terms with Bob's unexpected passing. A sort of self therapy. But also for Bob—to try and do what little I can to transform his death beyond that of brief squib in a back column of the newspaper, into the very real loss of a neighbor, friend, and good guy; a person we here on this bend of the road liked and cared about and will miss.
You know, the older I get, the less sure I am of having—or at least recognizing—a normal self. The id is increasingly obscure.
I'm so sorry for your loss of neighbour and friend. I know what it's like to have wonderful neighbours for whom I care deeply and I can imagine your feeling of pain and loss. May Bob rest in peace.
DEAR GRIZZ - I am so sorry to hear f this untimely loss of your dear neighbor Bob. I can feel your sadness and I understand deeply. He as well as your other close neighbors are truly a blessing and I am sad for you and Becky and all those close to Bob who mourn his passing - I feel his goodness through your loving words.
I am holding you close in prayer and light during this sad time.
Love Gail
peace.....
You most certainly have conveyed your feelings. I am so sorry, Grizz.....
No, we are never ready to lose someone we respect and love ... my own husband died suddenly just over two years ago now. BUT, I have fond memories of him ... as do you of your neighbour ... and no regrets. I can speak of him warmly and with joy.
Sudden is a good thing ... for the one going. No pain, no fright ... I'm happy my guy went suddenly ... for his sake.
For my own sake ... it has left a dreadful void ... but not insurmountable with the abiding presence of He who knows what He is doing. So I trust that, even in death, He is able to work all things work together for good. Trust ... it's a biggy ... built on witnessing His faithfulness in the little things over the years. God is good ALL of the time.
Hilary…
We never really give it much attention when we're looking to select a new home, but good neighbors might just be the most important unconsidered factor in the deal. And of course, in the end, they are what they are, good or not so good. As I said, we were so very fortunate that, if given the chance, we couldn't have chosen better. Bob was one of those great neighbors, and I appreciated him for that, as I do the others. I know we all miss him.
Gail…
Thank you…for your thoughts and prayers, your kind and understanding words. And especially for such time and effort in light of your mother's recent passing. I know that took a lot. And FYI, you and your family remain in our thoughts and prayers, too.
Robin…
I just wanted to DO something to convey my appreciation for Bob, and express my sorrow at his untimely death. I don't know any of his family. This was the only way I knew. I hope it sounds okay.
Cicero Sings…
Some linger and endure great suffering, others go swift and unexpectedly, in the blink of an eye. Death, like it or not, sooner or later finds us all. Everyone must, as Ecclesiastes puts it, go to "that long home."
I trust God for my life and eternal future, and I believe unequivocally in His faithfulness. I try my best to live with courage, honor, and compassion—but I am weak and regularly fall short in spite of those lofty desires and my best efforts. Too often I say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, think the wrong thing. I'm not much of an example, and I sure don't have all the answers. But I believe God is in ultimate charge. It is only by His promise of grace and mercy that I have hope. Yet, God has always, always, always blessed me abundantly, given me far more than I deserved…and I am so very grateful.
Scribe--my thoughts and prayers are with you. It is sad to lose someone close--in this case, close in geography. Good neighbors are a true treasure--maybe as valuable as good friends.
KGMom…
Good neighbors are, for sure, true treasures. As valuable as good friends? If you're lucky, one and the same.
Grizz: I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It is harder, I think, when the person is a young one. Death is so unexpected in someone that age who seems healthy. It's just not something we think about for them. When people are elderly, I think we always half-expect to hear they've gone, but we never expect it to happen yet to the younger ones.
Carolyn H…
Thank you…and you're exactly right in what you say. While we may not speak it aloud, or even think it to ourselves, when older friends and family are involved, there is always that subconscious realization that sudden death IS possible; they have reach that unfortunate milestone, and deep down, we know it could happen. But we don't expect death in the young and seemingly healthy, who aren't involved in a risky lifestyle. Yes, sometimes there's an accident…but occasionally it's a health issue no one suspected. We get the news. And we're left shocked by the suddenness of loss. As was the case here.…
I wanted to tell you how touched I am by your kind words. Bobby was my brother. He was an amazing man and I loved him dearly. It's comforting to know that others also saw in him all of the fine qualities that I always knew existed. No one could ask for a better big brother. He was kind and generous to a fault. A light has gone out in my life. There are no words to express how much I will miss him. Thank you for sharing how much he meant to you. May he rest in peace.
Vicki…
I am so very sorry about your brother, Bob. It was such a shock. I know the news must have been devastating. It was an honor to have him for my neighbor, and a privilege to get to know him. I thought a lot of your brother, and I will miss him always. Thank you, too for writing—especially during such a difficult time. I truly appreciate your kind comments. I meant every word I said on the post…but you can never capture in words all the things you like and feel about a person, or describe the hole their passing leaves in your heart. Bob was a fine man. I'm glad you liked the piece, but I wish so very much I'd have never needed to write it. Please accept my sincere condolences.
My deepest condolences.
Jenn Jilks…
Thank you. Still can't believe Bob's gone. It just seems impossible.…
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