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| Morning sun lights up a dew drop on the tip of a bamboo leaf. |
Thick clouds of mist hung over the water early this morning when I took Moon-the-Dog out. Now the sun has dissipated those rather mysterious swirling blankets of river fog—and much of the dew, which sparkled like bits of diamonds on everything from leaves to grass, has also all but vanished.
I was glad to see that sometime during night the river peaked. I'm always surprised how quickly this reversal can occur. Yet that's the usual drill…slow to rise, fast to recover. Now the water is almost back down to normal pool. And while not clear, murky rather than muddy.
For the past few days I've been working on sorting through various boxes of cards, manuscripts, photos, notes, business cards, brochures, ticket stubs, clippings, magazines, booklets. The paper detritus of several decades of work. At last half the stuff can be tossed into the trash without a second glance. But a lot of things deserve saving—or at least a final, closer look before discarding. And this winnowing is not without a rather hefty emotional toll.
After five or six hours of it yesterday, I had to quit—overpowered by memories. Letters from family and friends no longer around. A mirror in accumulated bits and pieces reflecting both good and bad of a great portion of my life. Reminders of times and places and people forever gone, decisions wrongly made, roads not taken—and overall, of time's relentless passage.
You can only take so much of this depressing déjà vu in a given dose; at least that's my case. A box, maybe two, per day…that's my limit. And there are a lot of boxes.
10 comments:
Scribe--as someone who has recently had the task of cleaning out my father's place (when he moved from a retirement cottage to sheltered care) after he had lived 25 years in one place--trust me, you are so WISE to do it now.
You can make the best decisions regarding what the meaning of any particular item is. I am sure the memories are overwhelming. But what you are doing is absolutely the best thing to do.
KGMom…
Indeed, I know what you say is true. And I've been through this before myself, having had to single-handedly sort through the family home—nearly 60 years in the house Dad built—when Mom passed away. Which I didn't do very well, I should say. And this is not of that magnitude…just paper stuff, and not really too very much of it important, intrinsically or emotionally. But enough to make the task serious and draining. And enough to confirm how tough it's going to be when I do get to that day when I must begin putting all my things in order. That I truly dread. But I will do it because I do know better me than anyone else.
Thank you for your kind and reassuring words. I do appreciate them.
HI GRIZZ - such a lovely heartfelt writing here today. I too recently went through our stuff as we down sized to move as well as my Mom's stuff so we could move in to her cozy home which she so dearly loved. I struggled with what to discard, what to save, what to store and so forth. An emotional endeavor to say the least. I got a delightful surprise, well, many actually but this is one is in the top 10 - as I organised my dresser I came across a little laminated card about mothers and daughters - it was from my Mom on my last birthday when she was still here on earth. I held that little card and brought it to my heart and sobbed with sorrow and joy for all that was and all that is gone. The card is attached to my mirror now so I can see it every day. Hallelujah.
Gail…
The truth is, I'm too sentimental to be doing this—though if left to Myladylove, there'd be a bloody war, as she's the polar opposite—dispassionate and practical to a fault. Right now, all I'm really doing is sorting out the obvious junk and trash from the stuff I'll get goofy about later on—freeing up space and postponing any battles.
Grizz: I hope you're recycling, not trashing.
I'm in the process of doing this, both for Kali's and my own stuff (since we'll be moving in 4 years) and Kali's mom's stuff that we "inherited" when she moved to assisted care. I'm more like Myladylove ("Throw it all out!") than Grizz("We should keep that."), but I've been pretty much doing it myself (Kali just can't get motivated to do anything like this), and I recycle the vast majority and only keep a small percentage to bring to Kali for a decision. She doesn't even know most of the stuff is there anyway, so she won't miss it.
HI GRIZZ sending you a big warm hug
((((((((GRIZZ)))))))))
Love Gail
peace....
Scott…
I'm not quite a card-carrying hoarder…but I'm certainly not a disciple of the scorched-earth sanitized life, either. Unquestionably closer to the former than the latter. I'd far rather walk into a home and find it cluttered with photos, keepsakes, books, collections from hobbies—stuff that gives the person who lives there individuality, identity, and to my mind, worth. If they don't live in an interesting home, I tend to believe they're not an interesting person—or else they're being secretive, hiding who they really are, projecting a false impression. I abhor a "House Beautiful" home; it might as well be a showroom in an Ikea store. Who wants to live like that! Not me—ever!
To me a house and a home are two very different things. A person's home ought to reflect them alone—their interests and history, likes, passions, say something about what they believe, their value system. It's not just a space for showing off your taste and budget in furniture and window treatments.
I know a fellow who some years ago served on a committee to assess possible behind-the-scenes renovation to the U.S. Capitol Building in D.C. He and several fellow members thought the sensible thing was to tear the place down and build something new! "It's just an old, outdated hulk of a building," he said. "It's an American icon," I countered, "a symbol recognized around the world for the principals we were founded upon as a nation!" "Humph," he said, "Symbols are just sentimental junk on a bigger scale or budget. The past is just the past. Our future lies ahead."
I didn't agree with him then and I don't now. I think both history and sentiment are vital—though I also know plenty would disagree. And maybe it's good that we have these two different schools of thought. The ying and yang of weeding and winnowing. It doesn't have to be a line in the sand; it can simply be a way of balancing the scale.
And yes, I am recycling—though for this stuff, that mostly means future employment as a fire starter. One final thought: if you throw away everything, your pack will be lighter…but your life emptier. (Hey, I'm grinning when I say this, really!)
Gail…
Thank you. I needed that!
this is the greatest photo you have conjured-amazing
AfromTO…
Hey, I really appreciate that you, too, liked the shot. Thank you.
I saw the droplets hanging on the bamboo leaftips, with the early light and dark, shadowed background, and thought if I could somehow get all of it right it could make a neat shot. I made perhaps 50 images from various angles. This was, by far, the best…and I think it works in both an abstract and realistic way. But it's a true compliment to have a real artist find it worthwhile.
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